"Albert, just....amaze me."

I titled this latest entry to my messages to the world the statement my employer made to me today when I requested clarification concerning the information on the plan and the description of what he said he wanted me to do that day [or as I like to prefix my requests to him “What kind of a fool’s errand am I going to waste another day of my life with this time…”]. I was to perform another miracle, apply the available technology towards an end it was never designed to perform, manifest in the real world the image (incomplete and theoretical at best) that my employer imagined and assured the customer that we could accomplish easily, end up with a result that looked effortless and like God himself put it there…in short another day at work.

This is usually how my various employment/ job develops. I’m a pretty good cabinetmaker, I’m not as exact as I should be (but I can be), my talent lies in retention of everything that I’ve ever tried, how the technology available actually works and how I can get it to do what I want it to do. Not to mention as far as employment is concerned I’ve been passed around like a $10 whore. When one has worked for as many different shops as me one absorbs a lot. One learns to crack the nut many different ways. Not to mention my degree in art trained me to think outside the box. I think that’s what gives me whatever edge I have.

It usually upsets me when people give me that ‘how did you do that?’ look. Especially when they stood there and watched how I did it. I get called a genius and that upsets me even more. Yeah I know…it sounds like I’m saying ‘poor me, people are impressed by me and what I do and I just can’t stand it.’ And if I’m so good why the hell am I not running my own shop. Truth is I don’t deal well with the customer…I don’t handle change orders well, I don’t schmooze well, I don’t play politics well, I’m outspoken (rude) and I make people feel stupid. I prefer to just be told what it is I need to do and then left alone to do it. And as for my abilities -I’ve made a lot of mistakes, a whole lot of them. My dad used to say “don’t be afraid to make mistakes just don’t make them twice.” When one screws up like that, it is up to the screwer upper to make it right and that is how one learns the trade. And some of mine have been beauts.

People like me usually have a bumpy childhood. I recall seeing an American Master’s about Buckminster Fuller. I not only could relate to him I almost cried. When he was about 7 he was asked to make a structure using dried peas and toothpicks. Everyone else in his class made a cube…because that’s what they lived in; Fuller made a Tetrahedron, a three sided pyramid. The teacher gave him a failing grade because his wasn’t like everybody else’s. The Tetrahedron is considered one of the 4 pure geometric forms, because of its simplicity and stability. Fuller went on to give birth to the modern car industry, manufactured housing and the geodesic dome. I’ve heard brief snips from his lectures…the guy went beyond brilliant. He had his hand on the pulse of the future…and until he invented the geodesic dome he was considered an eccentric nut.

SO how in the Hell does this all fit into what I’ve been on and on about mostly in these blogs of mine?

Humanity was pulled out of the caves by people like me, people like me invented art (writing), the wheel, the plow, the cart, medicine, philosophy, technology, science, mathematics’, and most of the stuff that we as a modern society takes for granted. However…at the time these people were ridiculed and if allowed to live- forced to live outside of society. And after 12,000 years we still treat the original people like this. Brunelleschi was thought to be some kind of a screwball, and when he suggested he knew how to make the dome for the Santa Maria del Fiore cathedral, a job nobody would touch-they asked him to explain how he would do it; he knew they'd ridicule his thoughts and somebody else would use his ideas. SO he concocted a plan...he suggested that the person who could stand an egg on its end should get the commission. All tried all failed. Our hero took an egg and slammed the round end with the air pocket down and it stood erect. "Any child could've done that!" they said. Yes he said, and any child could build the dome if I told him how. He got the job and the rest is history.

There’s nothing really unique about me. I just choose not to accept what people say as gospel and am willing to try something new, make mistakes, learn from them and take the responsibility for them. This world would be a much better place if we could just learn to accept change and not treat a new concept as the end of society as we know it.

I attribute my ability to think and design my way out of a corner by being a card carrying apostle of the greatest logical inventor that the world remembers. I’m a student of Leanardo Da Vinci, a man who recognized the potential of an event and how to apply the information towards another end.

“Albert, just…amaze me.” I’m sure Da Vinci got that a lot. People like me end up working for guys who either want to impress the hell out of people or work for other people who want to impress the hell out of people.

So they hire extremely acerbic prima dona types who do nothing but bitch about how unappreciated they are, how they are forced to perform under the most backward and ridiculous conditions, how they are surrounded by feebs and fools, how underpaid they are, how they’re just waiting to be asked to change urine into beer, raise the dead and send a port-a-john into earths orbit using 3,000 rubber bands and a pile of shipping palettes. I should know-the description I just wrote, Hell it should be written on whatever marker they put on my grave, and begun with “HE WAS…”. What can I say? I whine about what I’m asked to do, only cause I don’t want to hafto think about how I’m spending my life and how I’m forced to apply the precious Gift I was given-the ability to adapt and the ability to recognize a pattern-no matter how obscure. I guess I chose to be of use to society rather then be an artistic commentator of society. People need boxes to maintain there collection of stuff. Ya know...If somebody had TOLD me that this is what 'ruling in Hell' was going to be like I might have re thought the whole thing...too late now.

I’m only happy when I’m doing artwork. Or more specifically I’m only at peace when I’m lost in the process of creating what has been inside my head. I’m going to work on a tempera painting while I’m in recovery. I’ve been looking forward to this for months. This is the carrot that will get me past the concept of them cutting and grinding on me.

My Artwork is all I am. Pitiful really, but I am what I am.

Will I be remembered? Who knows? But it isn’t why I do it. I do it to keep my sanity.