La Fey, a message in a bottle

Dear Reader

I must ask your indulgence. As some of you know real soon I’m going under the knife. I decided to postpone the operation until I got a few things done…just in case. This was on the list. The following entry is meant for only one set of eyes. A woman I knew many years ago while living in Boston; I will call her “La Fey” as she knows who she is. I’m handling it this way in case her curiosity gets the better of her and she Google’s me. I would ask all others to just go on to the next of my ramblings or find something else to do. If you must read it then please have the class to not ask me about it as it’s just between me and her.

Hey You,

It’s been many years since I wrote you a letter.

I know you’re horrified that I decided to handle this just this way but before I post it I’ll make sure that only you will know to whom I was referring. I couldn’t think of any other way to get a message to you, and to be honest I’m doing this for me.

Your brother’s let me know that you’d come to visit and I asked the younger to send me a picture of you and your kids, I wanted to see your image again as I’m having some work done and there’s a chance that I won’t come out of it; a very slight chance, but a chance. He sent me one of you and your other brother and one of your daughter. You still look pretty good, considering, and your daughter is beautiful. But then I knew you’d have beautiful kids.

My reason to toss this note in a bottle and cast it onto the immense sea of the internet was I didn’t want something to happen to me without being able to say “thank you” to you. My time with you was the only time in my life that I can honestly say that I was happy. I realized a while back that our relationship was pretty much doomed from the start, the foundation was desperation and it was built with the gossamer threads of wishes and words whispered on the phone or in the hundred or so letters we exchanged. Losing you about killed me. I understand that it had to end the way it did, but as I sit and look at your image, even so many years later, my heart still aches about it. Something unmendable in me broke after that and I’ve never been able to feel the same about anybody.

I realized many years ago that there will never be an “us” in the future. To be honest there really is nothing to salvage from the relationship we had… we are both very different people, much has changed for both you and I. It was just something that happened, and it had to happen then and it had to happen the way it happened. It is said that a man hasn’t truly lived until he has experienced love. I guess you were mine. My fondest memories concern you and our time together. You led me to things that I had never considered, done or seen. That is rare for me…but then you are a rare kind of woman.

I apologize for seeming cold and distant the last time we spoke, but the woman I was seeing, who was very aware of your existence stood right in front of me glaring at me the whole time we spoke. Can’t blame her, but I wanted you to know that it wasn’t what I wanted. And the relationship I had with her is long since over. It’s just me now. Me and my 2 animals.

I keep my easel in the part of the studio that I had planned on being where you’d set up. You’d feel comfortable here. It’s much like the one in Boston but bigger. And I have a proper kitchen. I’ve started to draw again and I might work something up from the photo your brother sent. I promise it’ll be for my eyes only.

I hope you’re happy. You deserve to be happy.

If something happens to me I’ve included you in my final wishes. I have left instructions that what I want to give you is to be sent to your brother and he will forward it on to you. I don’t want you to feel compromised- I just wanted you to know that. I guess that’s about it my Little La Fey, I can now cross another thing off the list of things I need to get done before they remove my leg and then bolt it back on. If you want me to delete this message just leave a comment saying so with the first initial of your name. I'll know who it is and It'll be done.

Take care/

A