Ruling in Hell

Hello Dear reader, You find me looking through my pile on my desk and ready to tackle the trash can. I've lost a couple of pieces of mail, One of them had a check. I'm listening to a mix cd I made called "memories." Each song has a special memory attached to it, i can tell you what and when and how. Sorta like the knot configurations that the Inca used instead of writing...Right now it's T. Rex's "Jeepster" and then Nilsson's "Without you". In short, it must be Thursday. The reporter came and went, asked the right questions. Nice overview of Who I am, Why I'm here, When I got here and chose to do a gallery now, Where I came from, and How I want this to go down. I regaled that poor woman with my tales, told the favorite stories of how I got my name, my background, my relationship with my parents...Ya know, same shit different day. My life has been a cross between a Bugs Bunny Cartoon and a Josef Conrad novel. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh Elo's "Can't get it out of my head", I was in High school. My father assured me that at 18 I was out of his house. I was doing the High School thing...most miserable period of my life. I knew there was something I was missing. Richie Havens "Here comes the Sun"...My hand moved across the sheet, the image magically appeared, My mind was totally focused, my hand moved like it was a machine, the pencil in my fingers pushing and relaxing, the image came out of the blankness of the sheet in that room in my parents house at the the other end of the house from my family...the beginning of the separation of me from them. "It seems I can see the Ice is finally melting, It seems its been years since it's been clear...." now Robert John "The lion sleeps tonight"...My mind is finally finding the peace of seeing the road ahead, a possible solution to where I'm supposed to go. The Lion that stalked my heels of what the hell I was supposed to do with my life, ready to pounce at my misstep, my failure...it was somewhere else. I'm halfway through the trash and still no envelopes...Damnit. Maybe I need to go through the pile of papers on the printer again....It isn't in the trash. I found The designs for the wallet I need to make...the old one that was given to me by the Wretched Woman who exploited me was cheap and is falling apart, the only things that last are those I make for myself. Sparky and I went to find out about building bee houses the other day. The construction of the bee house super and the frames is simple, the woman on the other hand is complex. Hmmmm, I wonder where this going...Cheap Trick "I want you to want me." I'd love you to love me. Ok, that's the sketch for the 4 sided Jefferson reading stand...need to look into that. AHHHHHHHH Clapton...'Slow hand' "Lay down Sally....Second year of college I couldn't get enough of this song. WHERE THE HELL IS MY NICORETTE GUM...Ah, ok, The sketch for the book stand is on the back of the insurance policy I need to read. Need to put that in the pile to file, should open the damn envelope first.....Tax stuff, need to head to the Library and get a couple of State forms...That's gonna be more complex then crustacean sex this time....The list of the books I need to find, all Dover publications...need to look that up on the web. "G-L-O-R-I-A" Patti Smith. Hmmmmmm. I need to do something with that image I downloaded...advertisement for a singles group online but the photo has an interesting composition...the dame isn't that bad either. The whole picture is Triangles...but you don't see them unless you look, need to use that-studio pile.
"Love grows (Where my Rosemary Goes)" Edison ligthhouse. ....She talks kinda lazy and people say she's crazy and her life's a mystery..." maybe Sparky and I need to talk. Hmmmmm. Peter Tosh "Gotta walk and don't look back."
It isn't in with the bills, it isn't in the garbage, it isn't on my desk....Hmmmm. Maybe I should look again. I know they're here somewhere...Warren Zevon "knockin on heavens door" His last album. I miss Warren. Set up a table and sort and make piles...Ok, that's better. Now what the HELL am I supposed to do with this?!?!? and the porn catalogs that Jack gave me head the the Bathroom reading room section. Need to copy those address in the address book...."You wear it well" Rod Stewart, High School again. That long drink of water with the long dark hair and the perfect mouth...Great Figure...what the Hell was her name? It'll come to me....How in the hell did I end up with this collection of tiny pieces of blank paper? That's the top for the epoxy I was looking for, how in the hell did it get over here? Oh, that's illegal, best get rid of it. The pile for the shredder goes on the end. Picture of my aunt and uncle and my nephews from YEARS ago...Need to get that knife sharp and lubricated for Sparky...Receipt,Receipt,Receipt,Receipt,Receipt,Receipt...Blank invoice, The measurements for the box to store my computer tower in...need to DO that, and clear up some of the desk top...put that in the car..shouldn't take me long to assemble. How in the Hell did a light bulb get out here? Its looking like I've got to go through the trash again. Jesus, it's 2pm....I've got to find this shit and quit fooling around...CLAIRE, that's my leg!!!! ok feed the kitty first.

my apologies dear reader

I admit I've been neglecting certain things. Its been a crazy 6 weeks. There was the crunch of Christmas, I had a post Civil War Walnut bookcase that needed repair/refinish and assembly that was do on the 13th as it needed to be in place for a party, then there was the Christmas present commission I'd started back in like May, and of course the things I needed to make to give as gifts. I finally went to Ashville to do the solstice party...It was ok. I spent Christmas with a bottle of cognac and a drawing...I needed to just sit and draw...I need to do more of it. I spent New Years with some of the Chapel Hill arm of my friends...It was nice, not as crazy as in years past, but nice...there was this really irritating woman there who just seemed to need to draw attention to herself, but mostly people ignored her. I got home at 3 am and slept the rest of the day and accomplished very little over the weekend except feeding claire and myself and sleeping. I guess I just needed to recharge.
After the holidays I began the preparations for the Gallery I want to start, The "experimental" bookcase I've been putting off for more then a decade cause I think it's a fools errand, and looking into the restoration of an early 19th century mahogany Tea box, there's the printmaking seminar they want me to teach at the end of the month for linoleum and woodcut. Not to mention a client stopped by with a painting he bought in South America that they took off the stretcher for packing...it needs to be re stretched and then framed. No rest for the wicked...and I am their king. I'm getting the ball rolling for the Gallery. I've written the flyer, I've designed the poster and contacted my Insurance guy to get that under way. I also posted a blurb on Craigslist. So far things are going. I've got the forms for the insurance, that I might add are ridiculous. They want to prohibit the serving of alcohol at the opening, in case somebody gets loaded and falls over and either hurts himself or one of the works...Who ever heard of having an opening without wine and cheese? Thats sorta like having a parade without a marching band. And without a burglar alarm they won't insure against theft. However we'll see. The local paper has finally found me, after 22 years. I called them to tell them about the gallery. They're going to run a short blurb about in Monday's paper however they want to show up next week to take some photo's and then want to interview me. I'm going to have to watch my tongue. I just need to remember that not only will everything I say and do be subject to public scrutiny but they're going to misinterpret and misrepresent anything they can to exploit the situation...after all they're in the business to sell papers, the truth of the matter is negotiable. I've got to keep certain opinions to myself and to stress the reasons that I'm doing this...Which I'm sure I'll have an opinion on at the time.

I sit in the semi darkness, of a Sunday morning writing this. My cat asleep next to me, the recent projects in my Sisyphean attempt to live the life I was chosen for and chose after having deciding to take a stand. Is it a fools errand to attempt to drag these people into cultural awareness? Is it ridiculous to think that what this town needs is a realization that there is a world and a thought process out there that is as alien to them as though they were being transported to another planet? Am I destroying the life here that I've worked so hard for the last 20 years to maintain? I don't know. I know that Something must be done. I know that the status quo is so beyond ridiculous that something must be done. And No one else will do it. They either lack the guts, the stupidity or the oversight to take the bull by the horns, Yet again I must step forward. Oh well. I, as always, am in Gods hands...I just wish that one of these ventures wouldn't blow up in my face. At 52 I really need a win. However the world moves forward, each day is given to make plans and enact and engage them. Today I work on the experimental bookcase...I need to get this thing out of here. Monday I meet with the snack table guy...Oy that's going to be interesting...I'm thinking he couldn't find anybody willing to waste their time with his ridiculous project. I also need to see the cardiologist for my regular check up...he'll take my blood pressure, listen to my chest, check my ankles and wrists for swelling, keep me abreast of any tests I'm doing, make fine adjustments to my medicine, ask if I want samples and Cut me loose. I need to remember to print up a picture of the Mural...he gets a kick out of seeing what I'm working on. and my life goes on...maybe I'll make some coffee, maybe I'll go back and see if I can catch some more ZZZZZ's. After all it's Sunday and raining out.